we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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