I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
