I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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