These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
