SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
