I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
this will be a night to untag.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
