i wish starbucks made bloody marys
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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