I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
