like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
