I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
