Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
