We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
