brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
