I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize