Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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