3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
