physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
