like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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