I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
