Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
