I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
