I'm lost and stupid without you.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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