Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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