You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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