They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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