i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
