lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
ttyl tear gas
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
