there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
