is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
