what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
