My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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