So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
