after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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