I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
