OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
