you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
