You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
