My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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