Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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