i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
zippers are such a cool invention
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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