I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So vagazzling was a success
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
