Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
