hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize