I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
