So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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