I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
im calling her cock vulture from now on
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
