Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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