cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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