But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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