I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
