What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
