Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
