I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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