shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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