You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
