yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
