i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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