Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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