i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
