areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
