i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
