There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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