i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
