Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
