Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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