Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
