I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
