So drunk its hurt
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just want to make out with him forever
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
