If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
