Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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