I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize