You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
