i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
