I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize