He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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