I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
