i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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