I'm really into asian looking animals
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
wow bdsm is so cute
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
