ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
