Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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