When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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