just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize