2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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