At least make sure they are 18
Why
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
