i would punch a child for taco bell
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
