The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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