i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
