I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
