just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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