i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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