i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I can text with my tongue
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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