i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
