Sry I called you an 8
babies were throwing up all over the place
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
