You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize